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Difference versus Indifference is the title of the following essay – my contribution to White Crane, an American, reader-authored journal exploring gay wisdom and culture; issue No. 42, Fall 1999.

The predefined theme was Gaia and Gaia Consciousness. You may wonder – why include it here? My answer is succinct, my motive far-reaching:

Being fully aware of my sexuality, feeling deeply committed to it, and finding expression in living it out and enjoying it to the full, did after all set my awakening process in motion. Without it, I would not have been able to put down anything at all.

For the essay to fall into line with the subject of Gaia is purely incidental in one way but ultimately most fitting in another. Read on and figure it out...

The hereinafter described insight substantiates the immense benefits of approaching and treating one another with an amicable mindset – the nucleus determining the way we feel, think and act – and which consequently requires the conscious identification of exactly what kind of our baggage it is that should never be dragged into the bedroom or the sling.

For, to attain individual sexual joy and fulfilment, we should never forget that we need one another. Such is our make-up. To ignore it or deny it, means ignoring or denying our mate's needs. Inattention or indifference to it is downright dismissive of our partner as an equal. This can result in disturbing repercussions, rendering him uneasy, leading to all-round awkward tension and disappointment – or even frustration affecting not only him but ourselves as well.

Inattention and indifference are the symptoms of a conflicted mind. To resolve these flaws presupposes awareness, self-examination and conscience.

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Egytian soldiers in Ottoman uniforms, gay erotic image, two soldiers holding hands, their deeper and personal connection is also emphasized by their boots touching, 19th century photograph

Male Bonding

Egyptian soldiers in Ottoman uniform
photograph · late 19th century

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Difference versus Indifference


As this century is coming to its close, with our growing awareness of the progressive destruction of our planet, the Earth is now being recognized as an "organized body with connected interdependent parts sharing common life" (Concise Oxford Dictionary), rather than as an inanimate object. This awareness is denoted by the term Gaia Consciousness.

How does all this affect me as an individual? Where do my responsibilities lie? How did I arrive at them, and why?

Well, I am a gay man. Proudly so! The very pride in being gay, and to what is had led me, evokes a particular sense of responsibility in me. I have often wondered why I am gay, what purpose there might be to it, and why I am living now.

I have an inkling, as a gay man, that I have needed to enhance and develop certain faculties and qualities to sustain living my life in a world of senseless cultural opposition to my sexual orientation – a life that, without this opposition, I would probably not have contemplated to be special or different. I consider myself fortunate to have succeeded in liberating myself from this opposition and yet, at the same time, I see, it was this very opposition that set off the spark which ignited my spiritual awakening.

Partly in spite of and partly because of the opposition, I managed to open a door. I caught a glimpse of something new: I discovered my destiny. As my awareness kept growing, a very different perspective of where I could be heading began crystallizing. Suddenly I knew myself to be part of God’s creation and, indeed, of Gaia.

Seeing the disharmony in the world of human beings, especially regarding homosexuality, I tried to understand myself and the life I had been born to live. In this effort the meaning of androgyny became clear: I am allowing my Self to be guided by the masculine and the feminine, the yang and the yin, alike. Chinese philosophy equates the yang with heaven and strength, the yin with the Earth and the yielding. These respective elements represent polarity in their entirety. And polarity only becomes meaningful through the corresponding interaction of the two poles. Thus, my brushing up against the opposition showed me the importance of the principle of polarity – precisely by revealing how the poles function in harmony, not in opposition.

Within the difference between opposition and polarity rest my sense of responsibility to Gaia. The awareness of the polarities is a matter of integrity. On the one side, it furnishes my inner balance which harms no one and no thing – harmony operating as the balancing factor within the polarity – on the other, it enables me to remain connected to the soul of Mother Earth, to Her sensitive feminine or yin Nature, inclusive of all creatures living upon Her, and to the Universe at large.

I think of this awareness as Unity Consciousness as part of Cosmic Consciousness. Mere intellectual endeavors would not have been able to assist me in seeing, for they are a part of the mind’s activity which is, as tangible life itself, defined and confined by the nature of physical incarnation. The challenge consisted of overcoming this limitation, that is, of transcending the world of the tangible as encountered by the five senses, in order to consciously connect with the intangible through a 'sixth' sense. This is where the adventure began, for it is the realm where every conceivable answer to better solutions in the physical world is revealed: where the difference between opposition and polarity becomes clear; where the meaning of harmonizing balance as the ‘glue’ that holds the Universe together, including planet Earth, can be recognized. In such state of consciousness, God’s Ultimate Intent is unveiled.

The way humanity has been treating the Earth seems to indicate an indifference toward this Ultimate Intent. Instead of maintaining a balance in accordance with Nature, we have separated ourselves from the Ultimate Intent out of misperception of the polarities. For the polarities rightly connect; the proper vision of the polarities is not of their opposition, but of their cooperation. The misperception of this principle has resulted in conflict all around and in the dismissal of the Earth as embodiment of God’s love and, in the course of that, of love of one man for the other. This is the height of opposition as a result of confusing it with polarity. Although, opposition can certainly have its merits, it nonetheless always implies antagonism: Against Nature, against Earth, against our own God-given values.











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Surely, all misperceptions can be traced back to fear. Whilst God is en-trusting us with the capacity of the free will, our fear prevents us from trusting God. To trust and to be trusted rest upon a common denominator: Integrity. Integrity presupposes corresponding intent and harmony.

In the absence of these prerequisites, alignment with the Ultimate Intent is not possible. By not realizing that the Universe is God continuously creating, we cannot relate to it. We fail to fully embrace the intangible and the invisible, and fail to recognize its value.

The intangible, which can very easily be grasped, if we only allow it, contains Ultimate Reason that surpasses human reason. We should not disregard the intangible just because its purpose may escape us.

God, the Omnipotent Intelligence, without which even we ourselves would not be, has every reason and purpose for the intangible. For this is the sphere in which God communicates with us directly, where the human free will originates before its intentions can materialize in our tangible world. Such materialization could only be meaningful, and not catastrophic, to the degree to which we interact with God and His Ultimate Intent. Too often we allow ourselves to be misled in assuming that actions based on our free will are on our terms only. Ultimately, our actions must be guided by God. We are merely required to accept that “it is what it is” (Zen), and to trust God. It is our empowerment to appropriately interact with God so that we may learn and comprehend how to wisely take care of the Earth – and of one another.

We do posses the tool to interact with God. But there’s an irony. Before people are prepared to acknowledge anything they always want tangible proof. They seem to conceive God and His Divine Logos as no more than hearsay. Because it is of the intangible, apparently proving nothing, people do not trust it. Instead, they keep on inventing their own logic, thus avoiding and bypassing God entirely. In the state of alignment with the Ultimate Intent, however, in the intangible, no proof is required. One simply knows. Directly. Trough intuitive insight, what is called wu-wei in Taoism. Then – one also knows what is permissible and what must be done.

To facilitate foolproof recognition of His will, in the tangible world, to suit mankind (‘damned’ clever!), God places us right in the middle of Nature where He can no longer be avoided and ignored. Moreover, lest we forget His terms, God involves us in the task of being free-willed agents of His Ultimate Intent. But being the fools we can be, we are, with the help of our indifference to alignment, very eagerly getting rid of God’s evidence (damned stupid!).

“The significance of conflict lies in the fecundity which it generates, not in conflict’s sake[...]. Indifference is a particularly brutal version of violence.” (Franz Alt: "Love Is Possible"). Once we fully recognize that we have no choice but to acknowledge God, then – and only then – will we also recognize that we have no choice of action beyond the competence of our free will! The profundity of the meaning of the less choice, the greater the comfort speaks for itself.











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The unavoidable difference is attainable: human beings in their right minds can’t help but use their mind to notice that this same mind and its capability to perform the way it does is the very intangible, residing within the tangible – the body. By ‘seeing’ that we ourselves are just as much a mystery in the within of our beings as God is in the without, instantly the connection to God is made. Seeing it constitutes the connection. Now, of course, this insight needs to be raised into conscious awareness. It is that simple! It truly is the fundamentally proverbial missing link. In this state of mind, communication and interaction with God become possible.

Once this insight has been elevated, the Infinite Potential will take over and begin processing it, eventually feeding the result back to us. We, in turn, will be instantly empowered to live in ways that preserve and accord with Nature. Such action forms the alignment with the Ultimate Intent. This alignment is definitely not impossible. All that is required is to perceive the feedback correctly, to accept it and to remain in a state of awareness. At least misperceptions – if not altogether the damage inflicted upon the Earth – can get reversed thus: Through alignment integrity is restored and observed; integrity is the condition (re-)assuring trust; trust again eliminates all fear; finally, without fear we can fulfil our designated role of conforming with Natural Law. That is the Divine Logos behind the Infinite Potential.

This principle of alignment establishes why our existence without our Creator does not make sense. To fulfil the Ultimate Intent we and God must be mutually dependent. Interaction via this connection is a Divine Command and has been around for aeons. As our Creator, God is fulfilling His part of it at every moment. If we do not follow suit in awareness and attention, God will, as far as we are concerned, be rendered impotent. It does mean using more than just our so-called five primary senses.

If we seriously intend to forestall our demise through negligence of it, our responsibility for keeping the Earth in the balance which God had intended calls for reestablishing the symbiotic relationship between Nature and ourselves. This process ought to start within each individual. Willpower alone, however, will never be sufficient as it is too easily corruptible and can, because of that, only generate transient betterment. The best motivation to accomplish anything has always been, and is, deeply rooted conviction on an individual level.

To ultimately induce such individual conviction, governments have had to step in with law enforcement to prevent further deterioration of the environment. This is a double-edged situation. For one thing, it is the impermeability of too many minds to grasp the environmental problem that has led to the imposition of drastic measures that in some respects conflict with our cherished principles of freedom. For another, one must realize that governments’ hands are tied by the very principles of individual freedom which guarantee non-interference in certain aspects of life, surely including the varying degrees of individual responsibilities toward Gaia Consciousness.

I find it sad that governments, in an effort to appeal to individual awareness and conviction, however indirect, are still unintelligently confusing opposition with polarity. The confusion of the past seems to have had such a conditioning effect that recent laws to combat the ecological imbalances resemble opposition. This is especially reflected in employing the terminology of war “against” the problems. Such terminology indicates that the old misperceptions have been firmly anchored in new legislation. It is equally sad that such legislation now needs to be forced upon the population. War and force are not only implied but are explicitly intended. These are flaws which so contradict the subliminal educational purpose and must inevitably breed more opposition. It does not seem an enlightened way of going about the problem.

Notwithstanding the effectiveness of intelligent legislation, any law based on fear or desperation, rather than on conviction, does not address the basic problem of imbalance within human consciousness itself and the complications it causes. It can’t. By definition of opposition – which is imbalance. This concerns governments as much as people generally. Human imbalance will always be the measure of balance with which we treat the earth. This is why the awareness and Gaia Consciousness of each individual, before and without the need of governmental intervention, are so essential.











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A real break-through, I think, can only be achieved on a one-to-one level. Thus it may be a very slow undertaking. But, for lasting effects, the compassionate interaction between any two individuals is the best way of arousing awareness, deeply seated conviction and a judiciously informed attitude in others toward Nature and the Earth.

It is in this area where I can creatively extend my sense of responsibility by steadily trying to strive for balance with its harmonizing quality when interacting with another human being. My encounters and experiences in the intangible have taught me that it is neither obligatory nor sometimes wise to address an environmental misdemeanor, or any other, directly. Because, a person who is not quite in alignment with the Ultimate Intent may easily be offended by this kind of approach which would only result in provoking more undesired opposition, thus prolonging the indifference. Instead, I have experienced that subtle diplomacy never fails to reach another person’s conscience. It is the key to unlock anyone’s awareness. This can very comfortably be accomplished by addressing any other issue, as a metaphor for the one needing adjustment, where correct perception and ethics shine through. What follows, and that is valid for any amicable exchange, is truly astounding!

At this moment the Infinite Potential – with its property of universally connecting everything – will step in and take care of the logistics: It intervenes in conscience; it coverts, distributes, elevates, translates, potentiates and applies insights and, as I said before, feeds the message of what needs to be understood, and done, back to the person who requires it. Contrary to enforced legislation, this message is gentle and penetrating: it evokes interest, understanding and a sense of balance. Moreover, it is humbling – not humiliating. Then awareness leading to alignment with Nature’s Order will come about naturally. The correct perception will never be lost again. It’s impossible. Because it’s only logic. Divine Logos. That is the Infinite Potential in action!











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This axiom works amazingly, as I am finding out everyday. In advocating and standing up for balance to secure the vital harmony for the perpetuation of all things I am comprehending my purpose of being on this planet. To transmute all that I have come to know in an intelligible and non-fear-provoking manner and to share it with my fellow human beings to encourage their awareness and attention to the Earth and everything else, that is my endeavour. To thwart the indifference. To make a difference.

Today, my life would not feel complete without spirituality. In fact, I find that spirituality is the essence of life. Nothing really works without it. It appeals to the sensible engagement of the free will, it causes creativity on untold levels, and it is the wake-up call for our conscience. Spirituality is part of all of us. The entire Universe is saturated with it. Humankind must ultimately be guided by spirituality to save the Earth and all life upon Her.



Inspired by Gary – Wanderer between the Worlds. Our paths only crossed once...

February 3, 1999





-- home
-- about meFFisto
-- more about meFFisto
-- themes & you
-- the art of fisting
-- articles, essays, poetry
♥--- -- rotgut or champagne?
♥--- -- a matter of difference
♥--- -- your contribution, maybe?
♥--- -- a word by Goethe
-- gallery
-- have your say
-- site map
-- resources, links
-- contact

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